Vulnerability as a superpower: realizing my tough day was the number one thing I need to tell leaders

As I lay in bed feeling sad and unmotivated, I realized that this is the number one thing I need to tell leaders right now.

I’ve been going through a tough few days. Before anyone freaks out: I’m fine. Looking at the big picture of my life I am doing great but like anyone, we all have our ups and downs. Life is supposed to be both amazing and hard at times: that’s what makes it so beautiful. The good news is that everything is temporary.

And so because of this, I’ve been struggling to show up today. I haven’t felt motivated to get any work done and have been feeling like I need to maintain and preserve what little energy I have.

Suddenly it clicked: this is the exact message that I need to share with leaders.

I am a leader for the leaders. I show up for you so that you can show up for your team. I am there for you through education, coaching, and support so that you can make your workplace one of the best places to work.

And as a leader, my job is to show up for you.

However, that doesn’t mean just pushing through and pretending like everything is okay. That will lead you straight to burnout. And since your team learn from and models what you do, it will tell them that when they are having a hard day the culture is to just push through and ignore how they’re actually feeling.

If your leadership doesn’t include vulnerability, your team isn’t going to trust you. Yes, they might respect you and even do as you ask, but trust is built through a share mutual exchange of vulnerability over time. If you or your company are going through tough times and you’re all sunshine and roses, your team is going to stop trusting you as a human. This distrust will then lead to lower engagement and productivity while increasing burnout.

Yes, your emotional experience at work directly impacts your employees.

Here’s the thing: there are fine lines between vulnerability and oversharing as well as providing strength and toxic positivity.

So how are you supposed to show up for your team, provide strength and a solution, while acknowledging that this is hard without burdening your employees with your own emotions?

First step: start off each supervisor - supervisee relationship by building trust through transparency and support. Show up for them each and everyday while exchanging personal details with each other as appropriate. Remember, as a leader you are the support person for them. While each relationship is different, oversharing your personal details can make the employee feel like the roles have reversed and they must support you. Feel out the relationship and remember that positionality will always play into the relationship.

Learn more about positionality here!

Second step: When life happens or the job gets tough, be open and honest with your team. Acknowledge the difficulty and validate everyone’s experience, including your own. It is also incredibly powerful to tell your team when you’re having a challenging day and are at a lower capacity so you apologize if you seem off. You can share details or not, that part is totally up to you! They will appreciate the honesty either way and model your behavior when they are feeling the same way. After all, we aren’t robots who put out the same exact effort every second!

Third step: Only after validating your team and your own experience, reassure them that you will get through this. If it is a work issue, this is a great opportunity for collaborative brainstorming. If it is a personal issue, model what it’s like to be vulnerable and real while telling them that everything will be okay.

Example: Hey everyone, I wanted to let you know that I’m having a tough day. Everything is ultimately okay but I’m at a lower capacity and functioning. While I absolutely want to show up for you, I might not be able to do so fully right now. Please continue business as usual, I simply wanted to express that I might seem a bit off or slower in my ability to respond to requests.

Your team will not only develop more trust and respect for you, but they will take this as an example for themselves when life gets tough. A healthy workplace culture is one that does not consistently push through when life is hard or goes beyond your emotional capacity. That road leads you straight to burnout.

Remember this: your team will always model what you do. Practicing real vulnerability and showing up fully as yourself will encourage your team to do the same. And when employees feel empowered to be themselves and supported by their workplace, their capacity and creativity increases tenfold.

So be you. Show up as your messy authentic self even on the tough days. There is strength in vulnerability, and leadership without vulnerability is simply outdated and ineffective.